Words of Wisdom

(at least according to goblins)

Now featuring the illustrated edition! Clearly, this is incomplete. Hope is to have this actually published at some point. Or, check out the Complete Edition of this collection! It's got all the ideas, but not as many pictures.




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"Perfection, even if it is attainable, is not sustainable&quote;, written over a grouchy old goblin with bushy eyebrows and an asexual pride striped sweater setting up a house of cards. Behind the goblin is a leaping cat, looking gleeful, and clearly about to crash into the card stack.


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"Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without", printed next to an illustration of a goblin stepping into a bath. The bath is overflowing with bubbles, and has several bottles of soap underneath it. The goblin is holding a cracked tea cup with tea, and a mostly-empty jam jar. Behind the goblin is a shelf with several candles in empty jam jars, and a hanging blue towel that is visibly ragged.


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"Everything can be fixed, but it will never be exactly the same. It needed fixed for a reason", printed over a goblin with a prosthetic leg, holding a large blue vase that has been repaired in the Japanese kintsugi method, with visible gold filling in the cracks. The prosthetic leg is made out of a large repurposed wrench. Accompanying is a tortiseshell cat missing a leg.


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"Native plants need less care. Find an environment that is kind to you." printed over a goblin holding a cactus. The goblin has purple coveralls with black stars and a yellow and white plaid shirt. There are three additional cacti in pots on the ground, and a nonbinary flag paint-splattered in the background.


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"There are so many colors in the rainbow, so many colors in the morning sun, so many colors in a flower, so let's use every one", printed over a goblin with a magical paintbrush. The goblin is wearing tie dye and denim shorts splattered in paint, and the paint brush is casting a window into an impressionist sky at sunrise with colorful wildflowers.


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"A rose by any other name would likely be a THORNY BASTARD ATTACK BUSH", printed over three rose bushes in turquoise, gold, and hot pink. Beneath the rose bushes is a dropped set of pan pipes, and the bottom half of a goblin in a tattered dress, wrapped in vines and having clawed up some dirt. Observing the scene with some concern is the ghost of the same goblin, still with the tattered dress and pan pipes. The rose bushes are menacingly waving more attack vines at the ghost.


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"Love is only love if it's reciprocated. Otherwise, it's just infatuation", printed over a pair of goblins. The left goblin is wearing a leather jacket and dark jeans, playing with a Nintendo Switch and paying no attention to his surroundings, with a background accent of red and black thorn-shaped visual noise. The right goblin is wearing pink pants, a blue coat, and a yellow scarf, carrying black-eyed susan flowers, and looking to the left with several hearts over her head.


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"The keys to success are probably in the couch cushions somewhere (I'll keep looking)" printed over an extraordinarily fat goblin sitting in a blue overstuffed recliner, holding a TV remote.


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"Follow your heart, but take your brain with you", printed over a smiling goblin who is following after a tuxedo cat with a heart-shaped chest mark, and leading a brain with legs on a leather belt used as a leash.


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"Patterns can be found in many places... not all of them connect", printed over a goblin in a blue shirt, red tie, and khakis, gesturing manically at a wall of posted paper and string. Based strongly on the "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" conspiracy board meme.


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"Life is Short / Take the Trip / Buy the Shoes / Eat the Cake / Sleep with the Guitar Player" printed up the center of a page. To the left is a goblin in a leather dress and fishnets with an electric guitar, beaming up into purple and yellow stage lights. To the right is a goblin perched on a stool with a brown jacket and worn jeans, strumming an acoustic guitar and giving the viewer a smirk, with gold and blue stage lights.


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"Soup is a Potion" printed at the top. Scene contains a witch goblin with her arms in the air, chanting over a cauldron. Around the witch is a chain of vegetables, herbs, and other soup ingredients, which are being held in midair with sparkles and chopped by similarly aloft magical knives before descending into the cauldron.


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"If your bring Diet Coke to the party, then there will be Diet Coke at the party", printed over a table full of drinks with two goblins. The left goblin has an orange and blue polo open in the front to an orange binder, and denim shorts, and is holding a can of Diet Coke. The right goblin is shorter and fatter, with a purple top and floral leggings, and is holding a slice of cake.


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"Keep what you need / Share what you can / Take what is offered", printed over two goblins and a kobold. The characters are very young, with Scouts vibes. The goblin on the left is wearing a blue jumper and a cream blouse, and is holding an orange and a banana, offering the banana outward. The kobold in the middle is purple and spotted with red hair, wearing a green jumper and a blue blouse, and reaching out for the proffered banana. The goblin on the right is wearing a cream top and shorts with a blue neck kerchief and a blue hat, about to bite into an apple.


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"If no one time travels back to stop you, how bad could it possibly be" printed over a swirl of blue and yellow in the style of Starry Night. A goblin in a pink dress chases a pink-and-purple butterfly with a net, pursued by a flying blue "police box" (though it is labelled "Goblin Time Squad"), commonly known as a TARDIS.


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"A listening ear and a helping hand are the best things to share in times of grief. That, or snacks." printed over two goblins hugging. The smaller one has his back to the camera, and is wearing a blue bathrobe and red plaid soft pants. The larger has jeans and a brown sweater. The background is a splatter of dark grey, almost like soot.


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"When in trouble / or in doubt / run in circles / scream and shout", printed over four different poses of the same goblin. The goblin, known only as "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" is wearing denim coveralls rolled up, with the strap on her right unbuttoned, and a pink/yellow/green/blue striped shirt. They are running away from the camera on the far left pose, standing still and screaming on the center left pose, running and screaming to the right on the center right pose, and running and screaming towards the camera on the far right pose.


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"Blessed are those who run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels", printed over a goblin. The goblin, known only as "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" is wearing denim coveralls rolled up, a pink/yellow/green/blue striped shirt, and a pair of purple roller skates with pink wheels. They are struggling to stay upright, and actively flailing with feet going in separate directions, and screaming.


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