As A Guest at a Goblin Gathering

(or any gathering)

"If you bring Diet Coke to the party, then there will be Diet Coke at the party." - Mom made that up, and always shared it. There are a lot of good lessons here. First, don't trust that there will be Diet Coke at the party; if you want something, depend on yourself (which seems a little cynical, but does absolutely get results). Second, always bring a favorite to share; even if no one else thought of it because it's no one else's favorite, it's yours, and you can now share that joy - and maybe someone else who hasn't learned about the concept, yet, will be happy to see it and you.

As a guest, it is important to be a good guest in order to continue being a guest. Bad guests don't get invited back (or shouldn't).

Know what you're getting into! Make sure you're familiar with what the party is for, who will be there, and what is appropriate. If you don't know, find out, or just be prepared for absolutely anything.

It's okay to JUST be a guest, but consider being a helper goblin! If you're familiar enough with the host, ask if there is anything you can do to help out, from making dessert to just helping keep an eye on the situation at the actual party. If you're not as familiar with the host, don't overstep and take over - host your own goblin gathering, or make better friends and try again later. If you ARE going to help, always ask first.

Do not bring "extras" without permission. Even with permission, keep it to ONE extra. The best person for this is a partner, or a personal emotional support goblin if you don't know too many other people at the gathering. Do not bring pets, dogs, or children unless this is an explicitly stated safe place for them. It is okay to ask permission for the single plus one if you feel it's warranted, even if you don't know the host that well - but listen to and respect the answer you get.

As a guest, mind your own consumption levels. Don't overdo it on anything that isn't yours (and if it is yours, make sure you brought enough to share as well as overdo it). If you intend to be intoxicated, make sure this is an appropriate party to do so, that you have someone consenting and sober or experienced nearby, and you have a plan for getting home or staying safe. If you do need to stay the night, pitch the idea as early as possible - before the party starts by as much time as possible, and confirm again that this is an okay plan after you get there and before you begin removing your ability to leave.

Show up at an appropriate time. The listed start time IS an appropriate time - if they're still setting up, that's a host problem, but don't be afraid to help out in that situation (and make a note to either get a "real" start time, or avoid these people's parties, for next time). In turn, leave at an appropriate time. When you have had enough party time IS an appropriate time, even if you've only stayed an hour. Being the last person there without a prior invititation to do so is NOT an appropriate time; get out.

Do not bite other guests, or turn a party into a date-hunting session, without prior consent. Absolutely do not have sex (including solo) of any kind in any place. If the date is going THAT well, take them home with you.

Don't monopolize anyone. Even if you came with someone specific, let them have their own space for snacks, bathroom trips, and mingling. Give people space to swap games, swap conversational partners, get refills, and stretch legs.

Participate! Even if you can't eat all the snacks, grab a drink and admire the display. It's okay to not like certain games, but consider hanging around as a spectator. Having a hard time and hanging out in the corner is okay, but consider at what point it's better to just take a proper break and try again in a bit, or call it a night and go home.

Have a good time! It's a party! If you're not having fun, why are you even here?

Pick Your Vibe

This doesn't have to be a "theme". Just a general idea of how many guests there are going to be, the general expectation of activity and intoxication level, and what the party is being thrown about. A child's birthday party is a very different affair from a celebration of having a share-able amount of drugs, and a family reunion is different than a gathering of friends. A party's purpose can be as simple as wanting to make gumbo and have a sword fight with friends, or as complex as trying to set up two or more friends from unconnected social groups and have a wonderful time doing it.

The guest list does not all have to know each other, but they should be on approximately the same level of personality. Don't invite people who can't exist without getting drunk and sexy around children, and don't invite children into places there is going to be major shenanigans. Don't invite people who start fights at all. You are absolutely, one hundred percent, picking favorites - and that's okay. The friends and relatives in "quarantine" can cope, throw their own event, or be socialized with at a different time and place. Not all parties need to be everyone you've ever met, but it's super okay to bring a new friend in that you think should be included going foward.

Invite folks early - the more important it is, the earlier they should know about it. This is why weddings are planned months or years in advance, for the most part. Send it in writing - text messaging counts, but not phone calls. And send reminder inquiries closer to the date, to adjust for anything that might have come up.

Picking Helpers

People love to help! Encourage bringing drinks, favorite desserts, or snacks to share. Someone who is anxious around lots of people but still wants to be involved is great to have included in the set-up - get a little social time with them, and then it's not as short a stay when they've had enough and need to go home. For night owls who hang around very late, get them involved in basic clean-up - packaging leftovers, putting away things that can't wait until the next day. Either they'll help or they'll get out, there's no losing here.

Depending on who and what you're working with, assign little goblin jobs! Kitchen goblin, drinks goblin, cleanup goblin, babysit-the-drunk-people goblin, emergency-grocery-store-run-and-driving-as-needed goblin, emcee goblin... even consider a start-annoying-people-when-it's-time-to-leave goblin! Helpers should be a little more sober than average, but mostly don't need to be completely so unless it's critical for the use of the job.

Never spring a Helper Goblin job on anyone when they arrive. Arrange things ahead of time and make sure everyone is prepared and happy with the assignment. Not all positions are needed for every party, and some goblins can do multiple helper jobs at once. For a small enough party, a host could in theory handle them all, but then what are nest-mates and close friends for?

• Setup Goblin - Someone who wants or needs to show up early. This isn't so much a job as an activity; have a few things that can keep them busy, like setting out plates, decor, or stable-presentation snacks, while still being nearby and able to hang out.


• Kitchen Goblin - keep track of snacks, refills, and special concerns. Explain allergens and replace food information cards as they get lost or damaged. Babysit any food projects that are being made in real time.


• Drinks Goblin - distribute ice and refills. Keep track of who has open cups, and where they are; pass out Sharpies for tagging cups when using disposables. Remaking punch or tea as needed. Crafting mixed drinks if that's a thing you're doing.


• Cleanup Goblin - someone who has been briefed ahead of time on where to find towels, plunger, mop, tupperware, and cleaning supplies at the bare minimum. Ninja-level strike force who can be the one to accomplish or coordinate the cleanup from a spilled drink or a clogged toilet, before the party gets disrupted from the chaos. If possible, should also be privy to the shutdown plan. Multiple cleanup goblins are great! Or some "spares" who can all jump in on the final put-things-away.


• Babysit-the-Drunk-People Goblin - This one is a pretty chill job, but should usually be done sober or nearly sober. Keep an eye on anyone who's becoming intoxicated in any capacity; make sure they don't sneak away and get into trouble, that no one is having a medical emergency or a bad trip, comforting folks who get into it and start crying, and confiscating car keys as needed.


• Emergency-Driving Goblin - Cold sober, please and thank you. This goblin should have or be given keys to a vehicle with plenty of seats and space. Ideally, there won't be a "true" emergency and this position is a just-in-case for getting more ice or soda, or taking someone home who is no longer capable of driving (and lives close enough it's not worth finding a sleeping spot) - but also should be calm and ready to act if the worst occurs and there needs to be a trip to the emergency room.


• Emcee Goblin - someone outgoing and loud, who can enunciate clearly. In a general sense, this goblin will be helping shepherd guests around activities and keep them engaged. More specialized, they are needed to run certain types of party games. Doesn't really need to be sober at all; just functional.


• Go-Home-Time Goblin - Highly optional, and doesn't need to be sober. Might even go better if they're not sober. Someone with little or no social qualms who can start being loud and annoying, aggressively helping the cleaning goblin(s), or just outright telling people it's time to go. A nicer option may include passing out toothbrushes and car keys to make sure people either go to sleep or go home. Good for a night owl.

Setup and Decor

Decor should enhance the experience, not restrict it. Decor that is delicate or obstructive should be avoided at all costs. Even decor that is "purely decorative" should be heavily debated about, and not have too much money or effort wasted on it. The best decor is multipurpose. Make arrangements that are also edible. Use balloons that aren't attached too firmly (or at all), and don't float, so they can be batted around for entertainment. Ensure that tablecloths are waterproof, and keep extras on hand for transitioning between food and games.

Make sure there are enough seats for everyone. Even stupid seats, like folding chairs. Milk or peach crates will do in a pinch, or quilts and picnic blankets for an outdoor setting. Have the seats already set out in a way that allows a clear path from the entry point, to snacks and drinks, the bathroom, and any activities, but expect seats to be moved a bit and prepare to have to bulldoze some chatty folks out of the paths every now and then.

Edible Things

Drinks

It is a useful way to share the cost of a party to have people bring their own drinks to share. That way, everyone has a favorite available, and you're not stuck with a ton of alcohol or weird juice.

It is still polite to have something available. Consider store brand soda, vodka, juice, pre-made punch, or anything else that mixes well or won't be a big waste if no one likes it.

Consider a "feature drink" - fresh tea, aguas frescas, or a homemade punch. Mix in smallish batches as needed, and have the ingredients for a quick refill set somewhere else.

Garnishes? A fancy touch, to be sure. The best kind of these are ones that double as snacks. Sliced citrus is fancy, but not always edible on its own. Cherries, fresh berries, olives, or sliced fruit garnishes can also double as a snack board.

Strongly consider using either cups that are visually different, or disposable cups with an available marker for adding name tags.

Snacks

Make sure there's something for everyone. Know your audience, know your audience's needs and wants, and don't assume the restricted person will be the only one eating the special snack.

Always overdo it on the snacks. Leftover snacks are amazing, and make great to-go bags. Too much is better than not enough.

Make sure any snacks that need to stay cold are kept chilled appropriately. Sneak ice or ice packs under plates. Use small displays and refill regularly (the same goes for chips and things that get stale quickly). If something must be eaten frozen, that's not a snack - that's something that needs to be offered specifically, either individually or all at once with an organized announcement.

Don't overdo the EFFORT on the snacks, though - only keep one or two things that have to be manually assembled, and make more of them instead of too many types of too few complicated endeavors.

Actual Food

As the host, make sure there is something substantial, versatile, and filling to eat as a centerpiece. This can be any number of things, but should be able to be at minimum prepped ahead of time, and modifiable to fit any unexpected food issues that pop up. Feel free to potluck any sides, desserts, even drinks and snacks - but some kind of food needs to be firmly acquired by the host, instead of in the hands of fate.

• Make it ahead - a personal favorite is the "double lasagna special". One batch of sauce, one batch of cheese, and then assemble one lasagna with meat and noodles but no vegetables, and a different lasagna with zucchini strips instead of noodles, and all of the vegetables. The first one is a classic taste and a picky eaters delight, the second is vegetarian and gluten free. Adjust as needed to target audience. Works with most casserole-dish options, like Mac and cheese.


• Make cooking part of the fun! - for a bonfire party, present assorted potatoes, corn on the cob, onions, apples, and eggs for wrapping in foil and ash roasting, and hot dogs, bell peppers, cookie dough, and marshmallows for stick roasting.  Everyone picks and cooks their own while hanging out around the fire.


• The Big Soup - less versatile, but good for a few outliers; make a big pot of something tasty, which can be cooking during the party with minimal attention. The best choices for this go with rice or pasta, so that dietary outliers can skip the mix and just have buttered noodles. Gumbo, soup, or a loaded spaghetti are all excellent choices, or a low country boil where the potatoes are included in the pot as an option.


• Meat Bucket - expensive, but filling. Shouldn't take much babysitting to cook.


• Topping Bar - start with a basic like baked potatoes, tacos, salad, or sandwiches, and put out a massive spread of toppings to go with. Everyone gets to build their own!

Leftovers

Have a plan for leftovers. It doesn't have to be complicated - just a box of gallon zipper bags or discount Tupperware in a place to be quickly presented to anyone who might be at all interested in a doggy bag, or just within easy access for a quick clean up before bed. Anything in a real dish that shouldn't go in a zipper bag should have a lid nearby or underneath, or have a roll of foil or plastic wrap ready to cover and put away.

Speed and ease are key. Focus on the party, not the clean-up. Even if something goes wrong, basic steps should be simple enough to shout from the bathroom to a mostly-sober helper.

Food Safety

No licking the spoon when sharing food with non-household.

Also, label things! Even a pack of sticky notes and a fun marker to make sure everyone knows what is safe and what isn't goes a long way... or have a dedicated kitchen goblin for refills, questions, and requests. Label individual drinks and plates, label ingredients, or color-code things and then label THAT.

Activities

Even parties with a baked-in purpose should have some other method of fun. Be prepared, but be flexible, too. Keep an ear out for anyone who might have an idea; bonus points if they're willing to run it or teach it to others.

• Board Games - Board games should be appropriate to the number of involved people. Some games can be rigged to work with more or fewer people, and some can't. As a host, have a plan ready should you need to be somewhere else unexpectedly. Don't try anything too complicated if people are intoxicated or beginners, but don't be boring with the choice.


• Tournament Games - Try a high-intensity activity with only a few seats! Video games or sword fighting both work well, or something of the sort. Set 2-4 people at the activity and let others watch for entertainment value and trade in and out for wins, losses, or getting tired.


• High Volume Party Games - Werewolf is one of the easiest games to take on a room full of people who are disinclined to wander and just want to lounge about in various positions. Headbandz works with a midsized group that's a bit large for a real board game. Other, more traditional party games exist... do your own research here. Either be prepared to be the Emcee or have an Emcee Goblin assigned.