The Stump
A small, not very bright, goblin is walking by the home of a library gremlin, when the goblin notices a tree that has been cut down, leaving behind a stump.
"What's that?" the goblin asks the library gremlin.
"It's a stump," the library gremlin replies, always happy to help educate. "It's what gets left behind when a tree is cut down."
"A stunk?" the goblin asks, excited.
"No, dear," the gremlin explains. "No, a stump. It's got a "P" on it.
"YA PEE ON IT?!"
"No, dear," the gremlin attempts again.
The goblin is not listening. He is peeing on the stump. Given the options, there could be worse fates. The gremlin goes inside to hide and read another book to calm down. The goblin continues on his way, having learned something new.
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That Guy is So Gay
In days gone by, two goblins walked together. One was dressed beautifully, showing off his figure in tight fitting and low-cut clothes. The other, with a different kind of confidence, was well under wraps, but all the wraps were rainbow. Passing on the sidewalk were two trolls, and as the goblins and trolls crossed, it was heard from the trolls...
"That guy is so gay"
Goblin scientists have analyzed this comment for years, but have yet to discover... Which goblin was the "that guy"?
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The Snoopleboots
Most goblins are well aware of the boople-snoot; an action taken when a cute animal has a cuter nose; to boop the snoot. However, in days long past, a particularly curious goblin wondered what would happen if there were such a thing as a Snoopleboot. The boot part was scary enough; goblins don't do so well with shoes, being that their sticky feet make up for lack of bones to keep them upright, and most just fall right over. But what was a Snoople?
Maybe a Snoople could be added to a boot. So the goblin went fishing in a new bucket of treasures for a pair of boots to steal, and found a pair! A whole pair of boots!
The goblin did not dare to put on the boots. It would be quite difficult to get out of the bucket that way. In this, they were lucky. In another way, they were quite unlucky; these boots had already been Snoopled into a pair of Snoopleboots. And it turns out that Snoopleboots have quite a lot of teeth, and like the taste of goblin.
The goblin escaped the Snoopleboots only barely, leaving them behind in the bucket, and ran to spread the word of this new horror. Boots were not only inconvenient, they were dangerous, as any regular pair of stolen boots could in fact be Snoopleboots, the kind with teeth.
This is why goblins do not wear shoes.
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