The Adventures of Edna:

Edna is approximately one hundred and fifteen years old, and mostly deaf. She has entirely too many elbows and knees, but only four limbs, exactly 29 remaining hairs, and no teeth whatsoever. She wears spectacles, but it is unclear how or if they help, being perpetually perched on the end of her alarmingly long nose, not in any useful spot for her bloodshot hazel eyes unless they are pointing directly down said nose. Her favorite outfit is a sea-foam green dress, short sleeved and mid-thigh (the first thigh), with cream lace on the edges and a high collar. She wears a pair of dark-raspberry-pink boots that were put on a decade or so ago, but got wet and shrunk to her feet, never to be removed. When she is feeling fancy, she carries a patent-leather purse and has her nails done the same raspberry pink. When she is feeling cold, she wears her Long Furbipede scarf; a self-attaching form of partial taxidermy done on the undying Furby of the Long Furbipede genus; keeping it fresh and fluffy and unlikely to escape, but still allowing for some leg movement, blinking, ear wiggles, and gentle whispers of the Furby language.

Edna Buys Apples

As the embodiment of the most catastrophic old person anyone has ever had the misfortune to encounter as a customer, this is indeed an adventure. Behold as Edna goes shopping for fruit; attempting to find her favorite apples and avoid those nasty oranges (why make a fruit that is impossible to peel?)



Edna stands hunched over her cane, closely examining an orange. "Oranges for Sale" appears in the background.


The camera has zoomed in and additional detail, namely wrinkles and spots, can be seen; Edna is still closely examining the orange. "They're Super Orange!" appears in the background.


Zooming in continues. Shadows can be seen creeping in; Edna is still closely examining the orange. "O R N G!!!" appears in the background.


Zooming in still continues. The shadows are deepening; Edna is still closely examining the orange. "Praise RNGsus =)" appears in the background.


The camera is all but on Edna's eyeball; she and the orange barely fit into the same frame. Edna's face is almost fully colored in from the depth of the shadows; she is still closely examining the orange. "FROOT" appears in the background, and a minimalist illustration of an apple and an orange on either side of a crossed-out equal sign.


The camera has zoomed back out to a full-body shot. Edna has extended her arm, and is happily asking with a tootless smile "MAUDE! DO YOU WANT AN APPLE?" to several bones in a wheelchair, pictured from the back. "Oranges for Sale" appears in the background.


-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-





-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-





-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-


Edna is examining an apple; fairly zoomed in with only her hand and face. "Apples! Get your Apples!" appears in the background.


Edna is taking a good sniff of the apple, hard enough that some of the color is going up her nose. "Apl :)" appears in the background, and the sniff is captioned "SNEEEEEERF"


Edna licks the apple with her long, pointy, purple, alarmingly tentacle-like tongue, showing off toothless gums. The lick is captioned "SHLURP" and the words "Come Get Your Apples!" are written in the background.


Edna is examining the apple again; once more fairly zoomed in with only her hand and face. "Red and Delicious!" appears in the background.


The camera has zoomed out, and we see Edna walking in the opposite direction from where she has been facing thus far, throwing the apple over her shoulder. She is saying "I don't care for oranges," and the words "Apples 4 sale" appear in the background.