Merle's Apprentice

The Academy called. They wanted me to take an apprentice.

"I don't teach," I told them. And it was mostly true.

"You've taught before," they told me.

"I don't teach anymore," I corrected, and hung up on them.

A sepia-ink scribble depicting Merle, talking on a rotary telephone. He is squat with more beard than face and a pointy hat where the point sags.

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-

The Dean of Admissions popped by. Right into the living room, portal and all. He wanted me to take an apprentice.

"I don't teach anymore," I told him.

"Nonsense," said the Dean. "This is Nina. She's your new apprentice."

"I don't teach girls," I protested.

It's a lot harder to hang up a portal and two whole people. I guess that's why no one called a second time.

A sepia-ink scribble of Merle again, pointing two guests back into their portal; a generic wizard, and Nina, with a :3 face and a hat that is pointy but does not sag

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-

Nina the apprentice knocked on my office door that very night.

"I don't teach girls," I told her.

"I'm not girls and I don't need teaching," she told me. "I brought you dinner."

"I don't need a maid either," I told her.

I took the dinner before I shut the door. It was delicious.

More sepia ink scribbles; Nina offers Merle a glowing plate of what is presumably food.

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-

I found Nina in the library. Dusting.

"I don't need a maid," I told her.

"I'm just cleaning up so I can read without sneezing," she grumbled.

I didn't have much to say to that. The book I wanted was already clean.

A Merle shaped scribble and a Nina shaped scribble are both holding books in front of their faces

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-

I called the Academy back.

"I don't want an apprentice," I told them.

"You don't have one," the Academy argued.

"And I don't teach girls!" I yelled down the line and hung up.

This was turning out to be a rather irritating month.

A scribbled Merle is on the phone again. The phone is now floating around the room. Don't worry about it.

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-

"I don't teach anymore," I argued to Nina over dinner.

"You're not teaching me anything," she chided.

"I'm teaching you not to rely on me," I growled.

Dinner was annoyingly delicious.

Merle and Nina scribbles are sitting at a scribbled dinner table with food. Their feet do not touch the floor.

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-

Nina the not-apprentice knocked on my office door again.

"I wrote a report," she told me before I opened my mouth.

"Why?" I sneered, but I took the report.

"I'd rather not be an apprentice."

"You're not an apprentice," I started to argue, but the door slammed. She slammed it.

Nina is trying to hand Merle paper scribbles. The papers are flying across the room.

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-

The report was rather good. I barely understood it myself. Real graduate student material.

I called the Academy.

"Nina is done being an apprentice," I told them.

"Who's Nina?"

"My apprentice."

"You don't have an apprentice."

I hung up on them. And portaled a copy of the report directly to the Wizard Registration Bureau.

Merle is yeeting the scribbly papers into a swirly portal

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-

"Goodbye, Merle," said Nina.

"How did you find out my name?" I asked. Or tried to, before she kissed me.

"See you at the council summit!" she crowed.

No doors slammed and no portals yawned, but she disappeared.

I went back to my office.

Nina scribble is kissing what used to be a Merle scribble, but all his hair is on end and his hat is blown off and his eyes are visible for the first time. There is a small heart.

-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-